Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Wuss in Boots

I understand that due to criminal circumstances, a certain ancestor of mine, let's call her for the sake of biblical truth Eve, had to be punished for the need to have her eyes open and for wanting to share that with, well, her "better half".

So I humbly accept the punishment (since it will only happen once in this lifetime .. if ever), together with the whole lot: PMS, menopause, osteoporosis and multiple orgasms. :P

But THIS new devious trick is just too much. This is pure evil. This new torture was yielded right in Beelzebub's broiling pitch caldron - the tortures from hell, the instruments of damnation - high heels. These apparently delicate and god! so pricy inventions are just a decoy to get the unaware formerly innocent being to get her feet into them, mirror mirror on the wall, sexy looking, yes, so beautiful, and imagine how they would look with that evening dress! - Satan's faithful sidekick, the assistant in the shoe shop has the proper training to lure the unwary victim into the leather or satin clenches, then... bang! Hours of eternal misery and suffering just to be 10 cm taller today. I'd better lie in Procrustes' bed.

And just like the Little Mermaid, whose "feet hurt like she was walking on swords with every step she took on her legs" but could not cry because she had no voice anymore, Eve's great granddaughters get trapped dumbly (as in .. soundless :P) in the evil punisment scheme with every pair of shoes they buy. Or maybe it's just me being over sensitive to bleeding feet. But today I'm sentimental. I miss my trekking boots.

You men are so blissfully unaware. I have been asking around. Your gender has been genetically spared the agony of feet hurting inside shoes. It's just not fair. Well.. I guess you also got your bad part of the deal ... I mean you have to "gain your bread by the sweat of your brow until you return to the ground" and I unquote, you have to ... *oh, the horror!! ... shave every morning (yes, it would be recommendable), not to mention that you get to pee standing up. Darn.

5 comments:

  1. Men are supposed to wear ties. Explain the function of that useless piece of cloth. And, if you looked at it like a sort of arrow, is it a coincidence where it's pointing >:D

    Multiple orgasms are punishment? :-P

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  2. "Today the principal purpose of neckwear is to add luxury and color to the austerity of business attire. The first neckwear was also intended to provide the same dash of color and style to the wearer" - history of the tie .. as long as it doesn't hurt, don't complain :P

    And about the other thing... I got carried away *blush

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  3. A foxy silhouette walking on high heels forces men to admire the woman as a whole, and not just concentrate on some preffered regions of her body.

    You can only look (even) better on those things, so go for it! Enchant your better half forever :-)

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  4. I don't agree that men's gender has been genetically spared blah blah ... For instance, every time I buy new shoes, they hurt me a lot!
    And for your information also, ties hurt too. Just try to wear one and you will see :)

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  5. I have. With high heels. :P

    one occasion when nothing hurt :)

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